Tuesday, June 29, 2010

hey, girlfriend

I've been listening to Babyface, Brian Mcknight, and Luther Vandross all day. I have the musical taste of a 40 year old black woman.

the after life

I've been thinking about the after life and I wonder if it's just life's after party. And I wonder if I need to RSVP. And I wonder if there's an after after life because I can't stay up that late. They say you lose your physical body in the after life which means I can finally get rid of my Spanx. I just hope no one shows up to the after life wearing the same soul as me. It would be funny if me and Al Roker showed up in the same soul together.

metaphysical hangover

Why is it that drinking makes you love your life, but the next day you want to kill yourself?

When you were younger, hangovers just meant a headache and some puking. Now hangovers take on this introspective turn and you feel like a bad person for drinking, for not having the job you want, and for being alone. I know, I know, LOL.

And on top of that, every activity is an insurmountable task. Like being vertical. Or going to the bathroom.

When I was in my early twenties, I could party till 3 AM and go to work the next day. Now? I can't even bring myself to PEE.

The only activity I can tolerate is staying in bed and watching Netflix instant. Oh, man, Netflix must've had hungover/suicidal people in mind because YOU NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR BED. The only problem with Netflix Instant is their random movie selection. Hmmm, am I in the mood for Pan's Labyrinth or Snow Dogs?

When I'm hungover, I like to watch really depressing movies. One time I watched The Painted Veil because I'm a sucker for cholera period films. There is nothing more romantic than watching Ed Norton have severe diarrhea while professing his love to Naomi Watts.

The other day I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly which I quickly learned was not a Disney cartoon. Instead, it's about this 42 year old man who suffers a stroke and can't move or speak. This is a horrible situation. However, I'm pretty sure that if the man had Netflix instant, he would've had a slightly better time.

getting carded

I got carded for buying matches. I didn't realize there was an age requirement for FIRE. What if I needed light? What if I needed to burn down the building of an ex boyfriend? You know, important stuff.

I guess looking young is one of the advantages of being Asian. That and having cute stationery that says "happy bunny waterfalls". Asians love cuteness and non sequiturs.

Getting carded used to annoy me but now I'll take what I can get. I was at a bar and the bartender asked to see my card and I said, "Why thank you!!! I'm so flattered!!!" So I hand over my driver license and she says, "No, I meant your credit card. To hold the bar tab."

Oh, right. Please excuse me while I light myself on fire now.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

this winston churchill guy is pretty insightful

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.

-Winston Churchill


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I need more hands than a Hindu deity to juggle everything thrown my way these days. I literally don't have time for anything. Including my period. I'm turning into one of those women who needs to take a birth control that gives them a period once every four scores. This evacuation of my uterine lining is getting in the way of my plans for world domination!

For ex, today I had the most debilitating menstrual cramps ever. The kind that makes you feel like you got shot in the uterus. And the only way to quell the pain is to sit on a toilet and rock back and forth while desperately making supplications to every god.

Anyway, I sat on my office's toilet for two hours. People in my office actually knocked on the bathroom to make sure I was still alive. I was alive, alright. Not only was I alive but I was fervently editing all my work assignments while on the toilet. Talk about multi tasking!

Do they give out employee of the year award for these things? Because if they did, I'd have to accept it from the toilet.

I'm actually blogging this from the bathroom. Ha. No. Yes. Maybe. Shut up.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Monday, June 14, 2010

Thursday, June 10, 2010

i have louis vuitton sized bags under my eyes

4- hours I slept yesterday
3- sketches I've written in the past two days
5- cups of coffee consumed today
3- bars of snickers consumed in last hour. they really are satisfying!
24-hours of sleep i plan on sleeping this weekend
1- number of times Stuy Town has screwed me in the ass this past week

In other news, I've been listening to an insane amount of Whitney Houston and it is the only thing keeping me sane.
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