SORRY I'M SPEAKING SO LOUDLY. MY EAR DRUMS GOT BUSTED AFTER SITTING BEHIND YOU FOR TWO HOURS.
Think I got my hearing back.
You may not remember me. You were too busy TALKING FROM YOUR DIAPHRAGM all night. But I'd just like to say that you were very loud. My friends and I were having a very important conversation about the state of Paul Reiser's career but we couldn't hear each other because your voice reverberated through our bodies and stabbed our ear drums.
At one point, we contemplated shoving peanut butter into your mouth. I thought we should've taken it further and spiked your drink with roofies and then hacked your vocal chords with a machete. But I didn't have any roofies.
I get it. Bars are loud and you need to shout to be heard. But not when you're the only person talking! Did you not notice that we all covered our ears? Or that car windows were shattering? I'm pretty sure your voice reactivated a fault line.
So the next time you're at a bar, please think of the other patrons you are disturbing. Some of us just want to enjoy a refreshing beer and talk about our favorite Mad About You episode in peace.
PS My favorite Mad About You character is Ira.