Wednesday, June 22, 2011

advice for comedy writers

Thomas Lennon (The State, Reno 911), gives advice to comedians.

What advice would you give someone who came to New York, looking to break into sketch comedy?
One, I would take some classes at the UCB. Two, the secret to the success of The State was we never waited for anyone to ask us to do anything, or for anyone’s approval to do anything. We just fucking did stuff. We were shooting all the time, writing all the time. We would put up a live show every couple of months. We were aggressive. If you wait around for an opportunity to come up, it’s not coming. It isn’t, ever. Opportunities are not coming. The only opportunities that are coming are the ones you create. Otherwise you are just waiting around.

I agree wholeheartedly, especially the UCB part. Also, you should come to our Advanced Sketch Class show on 7. 25. Deets to come. Get excited!!!

blogger vs tumblr

I've been blogging since 2003. That makes me ooooold schooool. I remember back in those days Blogger was like the only blogging platform. And we didn't have fancy features like adding custom links or uploading photos. I had to manually install links with my half assed HTML skills!

cranky pants

I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Which is annoying cus I was in a cranky mood last night and told myself that tomorrow is a new day and things will be off to a fresh start. Ugh, don't you hate when those Oprah truisms don't work?

Luckily, I found this photo and it made me feel a lot better.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

two guys stuck at dallas airport

STUCK from Joe Ayala on Vimeo.

This video is so funny/amazing. Two friends were stranded at Dallas Airport and made a video of what then ensued there. I love the part when he gets beer :)

Via Capucha

perfect nyc date

It's been a while but last night I had one of those "I love NYC" moments.  Those moments that remind you why you love this city despite the fact that it costs like a million dollars just to breathe the air here. Mind you, the air smells like a mix of urine and B.O. in the summer.

After class, Boo and I walked over to Hill Country Chicken and got some take out of fried chicken, biscuits, mac n cheese, and mashed potatoes. It was about ten bucks each. A pretty fair price for delicious food and artery cloggers. Then we walked over to Madison Square Park and sat on a bench while eating the most crispy fried chicken. We watched squirrels race eachother up trees. We saw a cute little Korean toddler make friends with an equally adorable blonde haired baby. We played I Spy. We saw dogs eating out of ice cream cups. And in front of us was a view of the Empire State Building and this amazing statue.

It's a reminder that you don't need fancy restaurants or tickets to the hottest show in town. You just need a bench and a good partner to hang out with.

However, if you gave me a million dollars, I would still take it yo.

Friday, June 17, 2011

i wanna dress like a french vogue editor

carine roitfeld

I'm tired of dressing like I'm 16. I wanna look like Carine Roitfeld! How could you not wanna dress like a woman who's famous for saying "I'm much more fun after a glass of vodka. I'm more beautiful, too."

She always looks so sleek and stylish with her pin straight hair, blouses and pencil skirts and heels heels heels. Unfortunately, I don't have Carine Roitfelds hair, figure or BUDGET. Also, I'm not a fan of pencil skirts. They're so uncomfortable and they suffocate my beer belly. So I think a good compromise would be some sleek shorts.

Yes, people, this is the summer that I start dressing my age while managing to not look old. It can happen! 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

a comedienne is born

This is me when I was about 4 years old. My mom told me to pose so I mooned her. The best part of the photo is my brother's wtf face. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

savory cupcakes


Upon closer inspection, you'll see that it's a meatloaf bottom and mashed potato topping. Jinius! This should satisfy any meat tooth.

Speaking of teeth, I was getting coffee at my deli when this guy with one tooth came up to me and asked which coffee was regular. I pointed him to the right one and he said, "I used to love French vanilla but can't drink that anymore cus you get so high and then just come down."


And then he proceeded to pour an entire jug of sugar into his coffee.

Hey, buddy, I think I figured out why you have one tooth.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

pretty and refined

So I guess we can unequivocally say that Lauren Conrad is the most successful person to come out of The Hills. Not only does she have a super cute and helpful new blog The Beauty Department but she has her new line Paper Crown. I'm loving these maxi dresses and color palette of pale pinks and light grays. Also, how cute is that leather shrug?

Universe, can you please send me some cash to burn so I can buy clothes that are possibly too long for me? 

What do you guys think? Would you buy anything from The Hills star? 

ps I still watch The Hills on Netfix. Whatevs!


Monday, June 13, 2011

the weekend in bites and pieces


Boo was out of town so I had plans to go out big and wear a shirt that says "My boyfriend's out of town". Ha. Yeah right. Only girls who want the wrong kind of attention do that and plus I couldn't find one in my size.

I wanted to go out Friday night but I was feeling lazy so I stayed in and watched a Frasier marathon on the WE channel. If I didn't have a boyfriend I'm sure that would be the saddest line ever. Actually, even with a boyfriend, that is the saddest line ever.

On Saturday I braved the storm and M14 bus (aka crack head central) and went up to the Upper West side for my friend Div's going away party. Side note: you can tell how young a girl is by how much she bares her feet in cold, rainy weather. These girls on the Upper West Side were wearing open toe shoes and heels! What the...?? I, on the other hand, was wearing my Hunter boots. Not trying to get my dogs wet!

Then later that night I went to my friend Erica's apartment in Brooklyn where we feasted on home made ceviche (girl is a domestic goddess!) and rosaaaaaay. It was so great to catch up and just talk about life, love, career, and stupid shit. Whenever I hang out with Erica I always end up leaving her apt feeling more smart, beautiful, and motivated. Every girl needs a friend like her. Besties!

On Sunday, Boo was finally coming back into the city and I'm ashamed of how excited I was. I know I'm being a bad Barnard girl to confess this but I really truly miss him when he's not around and don't feel a hundred percent like myself. I hope that's not a sign of being too co-dependent and if it is, well, then, I can defend myself by saying I watched a Frasier marathon alone.

Oh and we ended up watching Toy Story 3. Omigod, mariposas, if you have not seen Toy Story 3 then you need to stream it on Netflix now. I don't think I ever cried so much in my life and I cry a lot! Just such a beautiful movie about dealing with change and relying on team work and your friends to get through it all.


It's making me choke up just thinking about it so just watch it okay? And tell me what you think!

Friday, June 10, 2011

french people and farts

I hang out with a lot of French people but I don't think they like fart jokes as much as this interviewer!


words to live by

This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.”
Via Boyntonator 


via sun surfer

How peaceful does this look? I'd love to hang out on the porch while sipping caipirinhas and listening to some Astrud Gilberto. However, I bet they have some mad mosquitos here. I'd need to spray myself in Eau de Deet.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

me and my boo!

Boo's going out of town to his college reunion this weekend. It's only for a couple of days but I'm already going through withdrawal. I can't wait till we reach the point of the relationship when I stop missing his sorry ass! ;)

Also, can we please talk about how crazy my eye looks in this photo? 


I met up with some of my mariposas and drank rosaaaaaay on their rooftop.

And my friend Camille brought a very special guest...POOPIE!

Check out the view from their rooftop. The sun looks like a giant cheetoh in the sky.

Then last night I saw Kristen Schaal perform at the UCB as part of Sketchfest. If you're in NYC this weekend, you should check it out. 

I love summer! 

to the max

the sartorialist

garance dore

Last night, I saw this chick rocking a maxi dress and she looked sooo cute! I wanna try it out but I feel like at 5'1 I might be gobbled up by the fabric.  Damn you, tall people! 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

when feeling blue, wear pink

I'm loving the art work of Sandra Juto. So whimsical and funny. I really feel for the girl in this illustration. Not only does she have a broken heart but she has a smiling cloud over her head. That's so not cool, Cloud. 

At least there's a pink cloud nearby to cheer her up. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

cooking for two is stressful! (but not as stressful as dying alone i guess)

For so many years, I was the expert of cooking for one. But then this past winter, I got a new beau in my life and all of a sudden I had to start doubling the ingredients and doing more math in the kitchen! EGADS!

I remember the first time I cooked for boo. He came over and I made swiss chard and artichoke dip. It was pretty easy but I still raced around the kitchen like a mad woman, chopping swiss chard and garlic while also trying to put on a cute outfit and make up on my face.  I wanted to channel Nigella Lawson but I was more like a sweatier Guy Fieri. 

When he finally came over, I was so frazzled, I think I literally shrieked when the buzzer rang. Luckily I was dog sitting so I distracted him with a cute animal while I went back to the kitchen. I HATE when other people join me in the kitchen. It stresses me out and I just can't talk or chop veggies at the same time. I could never host a cooking show cus it would end up looking like Saw V. 

Anyway, when the dip finally came out, I stared at him while he took his first bite. Does he like it? Does he want more? Does he know I'm staring at him like a creepy woman? Be my boyfriend! 

Well, I'm happy to say that he liked the dip very much. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm okay too.

And I'm pleased to say that now I'm a lot more confident in the kitchen. So far I've made:

I've also become less frazzled in the kitchen by delegating all the chopping duties to boo (his knife skills are way better than mine).

But I still get nervous from time to time cus I just wanna impress him :) But more cus I'm worried about giving him salmonella poisoning.

ps if you have any easy recipes, please share! xoxo

come to mama


Grapefruit margarita. I truly need one of these today :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

behind the scenes: ucb comedy video shoot

setting up the reverse dolly shot.  hope i don't kill him.

On Saturday, I was a production assistant for UCB's Diamonds Wow shoot.  I was a little nervous cus I had never PAed before.  Not to be dramatic, but what if I killed someone?!

My friend Dave said that being a PA is really easy and all I had to do was follow directions.

I'm sorry, what'd you say? I wasn't paying attention.

I showed up to the shoot bright and early on Saturday morning . The first thing the director asked me to do was LAV up the actors. Being the professional that I am, I said "Sure!" and waited till he left the room to say, "Um, what's a LAV?"

Luckily, there was another PA who was nice enough to show me the ropes. In fact, everyone on the set was really nice and helpful.  I don't have any photos of them but that doesn't mean I killed them, okay?

I learned that a production assistant is responsible for:

1. Setting up sound and putting the mics on actors.  You want to conceal the mic so you have to go up the actor's shirt or down their pants. Note: do not tape mic to a man's chest hair. It will really hurt.

2. Holding traffic- when you're shooting outside, you make sure that cars don't pass by and kill the actors. I did a pretty good job except for one guy who tried to run us over and gave everyone the bird. 

3. Watching guys move furniture- what I lack in upper arm strength I make up for in striking the set. And by striking the set, I mean eating leftover pizza.

My favorite part of the shoot was shadowing the director. (I hope he didn't think I was trying to kill him.) I tried to digest as much as I could and learn about the technical aspects as well as the creative side like giving acting notes or deciding where the unicorn poster should go.

important set piece

All in all, it was such a fun experience. Especially the part when no one died.

Friday, June 3, 2011

we'll all float on okay


Growing up in Miami, I loved swimming at the beach.  The water in Miami is so warm and placid, it's like swimming in a tub. But lifeguards would always warn us about rip tides. These fierce currents would come out of the blue and yank you from the shore. Caught off guard, most swimmers would make the mistake of fighting against the water, making them too exhausted to swim back. But the thing with rip tides is if you relax and tread water, you'll eventually carry yourself back to shore. 

And that's how I kinda feel about life too.

We can't avoid life's challenges. But instead of panicking and struggling when confronted with them, maybe we should just keep our head up and go with the flow. I know that's easier said than done. Hello, I fantasize about beheading Dunkin Donut employees. 

But I think we're a lot more buoyant than we think we are. And that everything really does work out in the end. If not, I'm gonna take a cue from the chick in the illustration and drink at sea.

I bet she's drinking cava!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

memorial day weekend or how i can never drink champagne again


Mariposas! I hope you had a lovely Memorial Day Weekend. I celebrated by drinking massive amounts of champagne and rosaaaaay. I think my liver is filing for secession.

I started the celebration on Thursday and met up with friends at East of Eighth. It's my favorite bar in Chelsea because it's the only one that doesn't blast techno music and instead plays the more mellifluous R&B hits of Usher. Baby let me love you dooooooown.

I don't know what it is about East of Eighth (the booze?) (my low tolerance?) but every time I go there it turns into a den of iniquity. Maybe the bar clientele-- a pastiche of drag queens, trannies, cute Chelsea boys, and my girlfriends--lends itself to a decadent environment. Or the fact that they have TWO happy hours. Either way, it should be called East of My Toilet cus that's where my head ends up hovering over at the end of the night.

That night I got drunk off of four glasses of wine. For shame! I blame my recent detox on my low tolerance. You need those toxins to help you process alcohol. At the end of the night, I crashed onto my bed. I think my boyfriend had to create makeshift covers out of towels and sheets. Love ya boo!

Then Friday night I stayed in, nursing my hangover with Mac n Cheese and a Frasier marathon. Hey baby I hear the blues a callin' tossed salads and scrambled eggs...

Saturday night my friends and I met up at Juliette in Williamsburg. This is my FAVORITE place to go in the summer time. They have a fun rooftop bar that's never too crowded and they sell champagne bottles for like $28. Balla!

Unfortunately, I went to town on that champagne and woke up the next day with a desiccated liver and a head that spun like a centrifuge. But that didn't stop me from meeting up with my friend Vidya for some Kungfu Panda action. Um, btw, how do people with glasses watch 3D movies? I had to wear the 3D glasses over my glasses. It was molto uncomfortable.

Afterwards we went to Resto Leon in the East Village and had some more bubblies. (RIP liver.) I was feeling a little guilty about the additional drinking but these two older black women next to us were so cracked out that I felt better about myself. They were mother and daughter duo and I prayed that there was no one else to maintain the lineage. The daughter was eating mussels and she was so drunk that she kept flinging the mussel shells on the floor. At one point, her head looked like it was going to drop in the bowl. It was really sad. On a sadder note, crackheads eat better than I do.

For Memorial Day, me and boo went to the UCB Company Picnic where I happily indulged in their guac-off and hot dogs. It was so hot that day I felt like someone smeared hot dog grease all over my face.  Oh, wait, that someone was me.

So that was my weekend. And I was just kidding about the never drinking champagne line.  I meant to say, CHEAP champagne.
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