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| chillin w/the parentals in miami |
Sometimes I forget that I'm in an interracial relationship.
I guess it's because being Asian isn't something I'm really cognizant of most of the time. Well, that is, until I look in the mirror and see Gong Li's face staring back at me. (Why are you laughing, dear reader?) But every now and then I realize that, yes, I am of a different ethnic background than my boyfriend and I guess that means cultural differences could arise and...OMIGOD, I have to introduce my fobby Asian parents to my white boyfriend!!!
You see, I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and I still haven't made any arrangements for him to meet my parents. Part of this is because my parents live in Miami and never come up to New York and the other part is because, um...
WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?!
It's not that I think it would be stressful in the Mississippi Masala sense (probs not the best movie reference but I can't think of any other Asian interracial relationships, geez!). My parents used to be old fashioned and insisted I date Korean dudes but I was single for so long that I think at this point they're just relieved I've met a man who has any kind of skin pigmentation.
Also, my younger brother broke the racial barrier when he started dating Latina girls. Yup, that's right, my brother has latina game. Hollerz!
But I just feel like this meeting would still be extremely stressful for other complicated reasons.
1. My parents don't speak English that well
Well, my dad is pretty fluent but that doesn't really matter because he's not exactly what you call a "talker." He's more of a "let me wear my white Hanes undershirt and read my newspaper in peace" kinda guy. My mom on the other hand is a little more gregarious but she's not exactly dexterous with the English language. For instance, she still introduces me to people as, "Lovely my daughter".
Sooo, I dont know what's better: the dad who speaks English but doesn't like to talk or the mom who likes to talk but doesn't speak English.
2. Did I mention my parents don't ever come to NY? So we'd have to go to Miami. Oh, god, don't even get me started on looking for airfares!
3. I'm afraid
I'm afraid that my parents will embarrass me. That they'll serve wine in a coffee mug. Or hand my boyfriend toilet paper instead of a napkin at the dinner table (this is a very fobby Asian thing). Or insist he drink orange juice. (why do Koreans love orange juice so much???) I'm afraid that my boyfriend will try to explain that he does improv and they'll be like what the hell is that. I'm afraid they won't have anything to talk about and we'll just all awkwardly stare at each other and the awkwardness amplifies even more when one of us goes to the bathroom and we all have to listen to them pee.
4. My parents don't like going to a restaurant unless it's a)Chinese b) Japanese, c) Korean or d)Tony Roma's.
5. What if we run out of alcohol?
I once heard a story of this Korean girl who hid the fact she was dating a guy from her parents for five years. FIVE. Omigod, do you guys think I could get away with it for that long???
I know when the time comes it will be perfectly fine, everyone will be on their best behavior--including my dad who will be forced to wear something over his Hanes undershirt. And at least my parents know that I'm dating boo, that I'm not hiding this important part of my life from them. In fact, I email them pictures of the two of us like every week. Mainly to inculcate that I'm dating a guy now and they have to accept his existence.
So maybe I'm stressing out over nothing. Maybe everything will be just fine. Or maybe I won't ever have to gather them all in the same room just like that girl! But I just wish we could fast forward to the part when we're all doing soju shots and watching Korean dramas in our long underwear.
On a positive note, when I finally told my mom that I was dating boo, the first thing she asked about him was, "Does he eat kimchi?"
Well, if this picture is any indication, I think everything's going to be just swell.
8 comments:
just keep the soju flowing. maybe pick up a home karaoke machine from best buy. they'll all get along just fine, sugarplum. no worries!
Did you ever wonder if maybe your name is actually "Lovely"? Here's a hypothetical. Your parents name you Lovely. As a child you pronounce your name Jiji and it's adorable. So your parents let you keep it. But from time to time your mother still introduces you by your real name.
JiJi, What's up? Loved your post. I have a couple of suggestions. First, bring your boo to my and Tony's wedding. It'll be great--it's a short weekend affair, your parents can meet boo, and the wedding will be an excuse for the two of you to take a time out from the family. Oh, did I mention free dinner and booze. Secondly, I think you're doing just the right thing for dealing with expected awkwardness--you're building it up in your head, bracing yourself for the worst, and thus ensuring that whatever does happen won't be so bad. I think we tend to remember the most fobby things our parents ever did and truly believe they can manage to do ALL those things in a short period of time. They can't, there's only so much they can fit in, so you'll be prepared. At worst, it'll be you hiding in the bathroom, chugging your spiked OJ, crying into your TP napkin while your boo and parents wonder why you've been in there for so long without making a trickle sound. I can't wait to hear how it goes.
PS I'll be in NYC prez day weekend while Tony is in Vegas for his bachelor party. If you're in town we should hang out even sans Tony. He can be boring anyways :)
hahah love the home karaoke machine idea!!!
that would be kinda bad ass if my name were lovely lee. i like this theory oh yes i do!
i love all these ideas, B. You are so wise! And you're right, when you accumulate years of embarrassing memories, you think that's all there is to them. im sure it will be fine. and if not, spiked oj here i come!!!
LOVE this post. It made me laugh out loud. I have a feeling everything is going to be just fine :)
you are too sweet! thank you! :)
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